So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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