if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
