i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
