Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
