i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
