So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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