i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
