I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
