weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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