wrigley field is MILF paradise
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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