I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
