sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
