You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
