yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
