She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
