It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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