I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
