I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ugly people sure do ruin things
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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