I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
