I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
