the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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