So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
