Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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