**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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