i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
