I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
