she is the kim kardashian of front butts
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
