my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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