I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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