i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
