Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
