Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
