if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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