$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
