First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
