Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
