I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Come on in and take your pants off
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