You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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