I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
