I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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