Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
