Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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