i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
