I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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