Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
