Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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