i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
