I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
