I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
