Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
