No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
