They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
