Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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