Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your penis caused this!
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