Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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