If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
