I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
