I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
